And life happens...

Three months passed by and so much has happened. It's amazing how time flies when we are living life.
I felt in love, I pledged to help others again, I'm back in school and I'm living life one day at a time.

Despite my happiness on a daily basis. It's not always flower and rainbows. But it doesn't matter how difficult life turn out to be, we need to keep smelling the roses and moving on.
Sometimes it seems impossible to start over or to keep going but it's a must. If we want to achieve out dreams and goals of life: "the show must go on."

In these past three months I learned so much and I met new people, made new friends, got new hopes and other visions of life but even though sometimes things that are not in my control happened and I get discouraged.
Today is one of those days. I got to think that in life we need others to help us achieve our dreams but not everyone is willing to give up their time to help you out. That is my frustration right now. All I need from that person is time. I'm not asking for money or favors, just time. Time, so I can keep going on my steps towards to a better life and achieving my goals. So, today I was denied time and tears of frustration and anger of myself came up. Frustration because in some way I depend on that person and anger, from myself for being in this position. I could have been where I want to be, long time ago but for some reason I let slip and now I want it more then ever.
Then I have thoughts of all those of my friends who are living the lives they wanted to live. And I get jealous. I envy their success but not in a way that I wish them bad vibes. In a way that, one day I also will be having the life I want to have.

I'm not afraid of working hard, I'm not afraid of challenges, I'm a human being who makes mistakes and learn from them. I know I have good intentions and a good heart.
Now, I just need time. Time to prepare myself to the next step of my life. Despite the lemons, I know I will make it.

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Posted by Mari at 9:45 AM

"Do as I say, don't do as I do"...

It's not the best quotes in the world. If you tell me, you want to run a marathon, I will be the first one encouraging you to train and make to it. If you tell me, you want to travel abroad, I will be the first one to say: do it! If you tell me your dream job is to be an interior designer, I will tell you do go and get it!

But when it comes to me things are not so simple and it angers me. The reasons? There are several. Some are within my reach and some are not. I guess I listen to the one's that I can't do anything about and that's why I rather encourage others then me. It's not something I am proud of but I am trying to change my ways. I know if I don't go get what I want no one else will. I'm in the battle field and I've lost some battles but I never give up. The most important is that I know I'm capable of achieving my goals and dreams. All I need is to plan wisely.

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Posted by Mari at 10:12 PM

Changes and thoughts.

It's late at night and I'm driving down the road while a song plays in the radio. The lyrics makes my mind go a thousand miles on thoughts. I think of so many things that I feel overwhelmed.
I start to think about the things I haven't done and try to find answers why that is. Of course excuses are on the top of my list but there are some things I can't do for good reasons. So, I think of the things I can do, the one's that are on my reach. If it's a problem, I think how can I solve. If it's a change I think what can I do?

Most of the times i don't think too m u ch about things of life because they make me emotional and I don't like being emotional. It's not a matter of being weak or strong, it's a matter of not complaining about it and try to find the way out for things to work in my life. I know I might not being so clear but when I'm ready at least a step forward, I'll share in details what the "things" are.

Oh by the way, my commitment on writing my diary is not 100% but it's going. I'm proud. The first month of the year was a good start. I have to keep it strong.

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Posted by Mari at 9:25 PM

Life goes on...

These are some of my good friends and despite our differences we support each other. When we took this picture our lives were changing or were about to start changing.

This picture means to me hope, happiness and future. Because we can make a decision and move on with our lives, we just need to have the courage to do so, otherwise life is going to do it for us. And sometimes in a not so nice way. So, if you want to change your life, make a decision today. It means, that even if a broken heart we can find love again, no matter how hard it is. If you leave your heart open, love will come to you. It means, persistence. Life is about keep trying until you find what you want in all aspects of your life: family, love, work and friendship. Look back at your life and see how much you accomplished. Be proud of your accomplishments and do not give up ever. It also means, not to settle for less then what you want. Once you know who you are and what you want from life, you cannot settle for just anything. Make goals and achieve them. One by one you will see how close you are to your dream future. Love and God walks the same path, we just need to believe in them.

Life is not an easy path and changes are difficult to adjust but we manage it, because we are people who have goals and dreams of a happy life. It's okay to not be the first one at the finish line. We all have our own pace, as long you don't stop or give up it's okay. We need to believe in ourselves and have faith that one day we will have the life we always wanted and maybe, just maybe we might meet again.
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

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Posted by Mari at 10:00 AM

Simple things in life...

Life doesn't need to be expensive, we don't need labels to be fashionable, we don't need to be CEO's to have the best job in the world, we don't need luxury to have comfort and finally we don't need money to be happy. (sure it helps)

The simple things in life are the things that offer us happy moments such as watching a sunset with your significant other. Helping out a friend to do something, talk long hours with a family member and remember the old good times.

Life is simple and we all should live it like we mean it. It's worth to try.

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Posted by Mari at 11:09 PM

I'm a WARRIOR!

I've been with a battle with myself for the past 20 years on weight issues and I've been losing pounds for good. This is one of the hardest things I will ever have to do in my life, because for me, it's a constant decision making in what to eat and drink in order to have success in my weight loss.

I've been in the closet with this weight loss journey and some of my friends know I am on this battle, some might think I'm on a diet and others don't have a clue. It's not something I can share with everyone because if you never been obese or overweight, you will never understand. It's not just stop eating junk food type of thing. It's a mind issue that some people have like: alcolholics and drug addicts. Obesity does destroy lives so you know.
For the past five years I've been losing weight and on and off I will go up and down the scale but it's nothing outrageous. Recently I was in a challenge with a good friend of mine who decided to withdraw from the challenge for her own reasons. I accepted her withdraw but I got mad at her for giving up on both of us. I was in the challenge for me and her, every time I didn't want to go to the gym, I would think: "oh, no, she is working out, I will do it for her". Of course it wasn't always like this but I did think of her. That's what support means, motivating and inspiring others. She inspires me, she have lost most of the weight she needs, now it's just the hard work to reach her goal weight. I'm rooting for my friend to reach that goal and have peace with herself.
My frustration is that the challenge was her and I, nobody else and she gave up on me. But I am not giving up on me. I'm continuing the challenge with myself and I, that's why I am a warrior. I am not giving up on me. I'll never will.

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Posted by Mari at 4:41 PM

The will - Will I? - Willpower - I will -free will -

I would never think that a four letter word could be so important in my life. No, it's not LOVE (although I do think it's a important word too) But the word today is "will".

The question will: Will I ever live my life the way I want to live it? Willpower: Do I have what it takes to go back in the school game and finally finish it? The affirmation: I will lose the pounds for life! The free will to do anything I want to.

There are so much more we can do with those four letter but we often just doubt ourselves when comes to use it. At least I do. Why?

Well, that's when psychology enter my life. All the meanings I choose for the will word has to do somehow with my mind. I believe for some people, will is just another word in the dictionary but for others like me, it's more than a word. It's a way to find my true self and be able to succeed within the dreams and goals I want for my life. It might be silly and you may think I am weak but it's not that. It's about believing that I can actually achieve the things I want for my life.

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Posted by Mari at 10:04 PM

Happiness are moments that WE provide to ourselves

One of my friends and I were talking about being happy. We are both single gals and we both have a bunch of girlfriends who only date someone, so they can be happy. I always thought that too. I thought to be happy you need to have lots of friends and a boyfriend. WTF? You need someone to be happy?

Living my life for 33 years now, it took me more then 25 to find out who I am(still finding) and what I want but most important: I am the ONLY person who can make myself happy. Sure, we can SHARE the great moments of happiness with someone else. But if you are unhappy with who you are (mentally or physically), you will be unhappy for a long time.
When I was younger I felt I was like the "ugly goose" from the tale stories. I hated my body and I always wanted to please everyone so I would be liked and have many friends. Well to my surprise, it wasn't like I planned. "Friends" took advantage of me and I had no true friends. What a great thing is the work "experience". After years of living and learning I found out so much about me that you may even thing I might be a bit selfish but I'm not.

LOVE ME or LEAVE ME: I read that in a poster related to our planet Earth and I thought it was funny because even if we don't like our planet, it's not like we can flight to Mars or Venus. But we can applied that to ourselves. I don't mean it's my way for the highway, I mean if you don't like my sarcastic sense of humor or my giving humanitarian personality, I am not going to change for you.

I learned later in life that if you have a great relationship with yourself, you might be more successful to be in a relationship with another human being. Why? Because you learn about yourself and you know they key to any kind of "ship" is communication.
My point: If you learn to love and respect yourself, you are communicating and even if you are alone you can be as happy as a bird. Spread the wings of happiness around yourself.

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Posted by Mari at 4:39 AM

New beginnings...

Sometimes in our lives we have new beginning's: a new job, a new relationship, a new friendship, a new project, a new home and so many other things . Often we have butterflies in our stomach when comes to new things but this is not necessary a bad feeling. It's a feeling of unknown and excitement.

Many of my friends who surround me are going thru new beginnings and I am excited and happy for them but deep inside, I wish some how it would be me. But I belive that things will happen when they are meant to. Sometimes we might not be ready for what we think we are.

My focus now is to share the happiness we all have and the new life we all may have with the changes.

Don't be afraid of changes, it might not be great now but it will pay off later. The most important key is to live life and not be afraid of being happy.

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Posted by Mari at 3:55 PM

Resolutions?

As I take a break at work and sip my hot Moroccan mint tea I start thinking about resolutions. Why is that we have to make a resolution in the beginning of the year. Can't we make it in July? Why do we list the things we want to improve or achieve for the year, if most of the time we don't even get to half of it? If we do, we most likely don't finish what we started. At least I don't.

That's has been in my mind for quite sometime now. Why can't I finish what I start? Do I have ADD? I still haven't found the answer to my own question. I say that sometimes I lose interest or I shift focus. Since I am a big in multi tasking I lose focus easily. So, I thought instead of trying to make a resolution for things that I will probably not finish and the result to that will be a big disappointment or frustration, I decided to keep it simple. I will try to focus in one thing at a time (in all aspects in my life: work and personal) and try to finish at least one thing this year. How many times I've said that? hmmm... too many. My choice is the blog. I know it may sound like a shore or a task but I want to do something I can look back and maybe review the process. The blog is a perfect example as I will have to write topics and perhaps things that I will start and I hope to finish them. That's it; my resolution for this year is to write the 351 days left in the year. Can I make it? We shall see…

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Posted by Mari at 11:24 AM

2010 will be registered here...

I was planning to write a traditional diary for this year of 2010 but then I thought it would be nice to have a online diary, so I create it. It's going to be a place to register goods and bad moments on 2010 or I just want to express my thoughts and words throughout this year.

I have written some thoughts already but I just created the blog today. Since is still January I will be sharing my mind with the world. Why not? Maybe I can learn from others. I always want to write a book, so let's start small with thoughts of each day. Yes, I want to write daily and no matter what the topic might be. I just think this will be good for me. Since I'm in need of sharing my emotions with others, so I won't go insane. Don't get me wrong, I have friends many of them but only a handful I can say how I really feel. I guess I am not alone on this one.

The beginning of the year already started great with so many thing happening in my life and the people around me. Friends moving away, friends in serious relationships, friends starting a new family, friends start over their lives, and so much more I'm anxious to write about. It's a roller coaster of emotions that drives adrenaline to my veins.

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Posted by Mari at 1:45 PM